Staying Positive and Hopeful in the Struggle

This is such a big topic and not an easy one. As women who are single mothers and POC the struggle is often a minute to minute existence. Handling everything in a normal life with children on top of societal demands and labels can often be too much to handle. It feels overwhelming and very lonely. Here are some things you can do to get thru the pain so you can have the strength to keep going.

1. It's okay to be angry, sad and emotional you are juggling so much. Speak up to those around you who need you and ask for what you need. It may be some quiet time, a break from the chores (those are never ending and exhausting) or something as simple as watching a movie in peace. What ever it is for you in that moment ask for it and relax for a minute, take a breath. One of the most powerful gifts as a single mom is to have friend you can vent with, who will not take it on or try to talk you out of what you're feeling. Someone who understands and sees how much you are giving and how little comes to you in return. Being validated while in your struggle is a huge gift that brings energy to you and this is important because what you are doing and your struggle is important.

2. Listen to your gut. I understand this is becoming cliche' but it's true. This is so difficult to do because the world is so loud and so are people. It will help if you begin to separate yourself from unhealthy conversations and situations. Living the expression of your gut's voice doesn't have a plan or look a certain way. You are the only one that can know it and live and it takes courage. If you are managing life with all of the negative and disheartening messages constantly coming at you on a daily basis then you should know that you already have the courage. Now just stand up for yourself and your experience. You experiencing it is validation that it is real.

3. Define healthy and happy for yourself. Much of our suffering happens because we accept the "world's" definitions of happy and healthy. We haven't been taught to question or define these for
ourselves as an individual. We have been taught to know how to suffer so remind yourself and tell your safe people to remind your, gently, that suffering isn't necessary. The suffering we have learned drains us of our patience, courage and creativity. Imagine what you could change in your life if you had these resources. Imagine what your children would learn from you if you had the attention span and energy to apply towards patience, courage and creativity.

4. Be very strict with what you allow into your mind and where you place your attention. This includes people, situations, conversations, movies, music, social media, cell phones. Make time to have some uninterrupted quiet (at least quiet as a mom defines it) without self judgement. This will take some effort and even feel unnatural sometimes but do it anyway. This is really important when it comes to people so here are some things to think about when deciding who gets the gift of your attention. Just because someone sounds like they know what they are talking about doesn't mean they do. More time, money, social standing or friends DO NOT DEFINE YOUR CHARACTER!

Now that you have read this the information is in your awareness so please don't give yourself more work by making goals or applying expectations to yourself.  When you need to be reminded trust that creator will remind you. Please share your thoughts in a comment. Be gentle with yourself.

Mommy Marketing

This is the one place where I won't filter too much, where my opinion and experiences will not be sugar coated so it's easier to swallow. There is a lot of medicine about my life but just like the bitter taste of medicine when you're sick, life can be bitter. Especially for people like me; brown, poor, female, defiant, opinionated, and a mama. this combination of characteristics make life challenging in this young country we live in. I live in Oregon which is known as one of the racists states in U.S. America but that isn't the hardest part. The hardest part is the discrimination towards women and on top of that woman who own businesses. Following are a list of comments I've heard the last 3 weeks as I looked for funding for my business and/or meetings for new accounts...ready for this? This happened.

"I'm going to be sexist here but I always find women are unprepared for business because they get flustered so quickly and forget their purses in the car are something." (I wasn't any of those nor did I forget my purse.)

"It just doesn't look good that you are an unwed mother." a woman at a bank who didn't bother to listen to my circumstance or ask what my business is.

"Isn't there a financing organization for Mexicans you can contact?" 

"You're a minority woman! Use it!"

"Don't you have a husband who works?"

"I'm sorry we just can't help you. We know you've had identity theft but there just isn't anything our funding department has for you. I'm sorry." He never once looked at me in the eye or even towards my face.Which was fine with me because I allowed my daughter to run around in the bank yelling "Mama" really loud without stopping her. I thought it was nice to defy the system in my small way as I sat there staring at the banker and listening to Elena scream loudly in the lobby I couldn't stop thinking of so many women who have chosen to stay home and raise their children all the while knowing they are sacrificing tenure, strong resumes and retirement plans. What happens to those women whose partners take them for granted, belittle their contribution to the world and minimize their value because they aren't bringing an income in and suddenly there is no relationship, no support? It's hell! So screaming Elena and my refusal to leave the NO seat was my miniature rebellion of the system.

This has been so difficult to handle because I need the money to be able to build my business so that it is a success but no one is willing to help me. I've tried everything but becoming a hooker! (Which wouldn't work either since sex sounds annoying right now.)

After experiencing the normal emotional reactions to the constant door in the face saying "no, but hell NO!" and with constant support from my girlfriends I took a breath, pulled up my big girl panties, threw the money traditionalists all the finger and went above them! Yep! I started Mommy Marketing! 

I began reaching out to all of the mom's! First in my circle then the volunteer moms who take care of all the costuming for recitals. They all know how difficult it is already just being a parent but to have all of this other BS on top of it all in our day. Mom's understand the often absurd state of our financial system. It just doesn't make any sense sometimes and when mom's learn they are helping one of their own by supporting my business, whoa, watch out! 

So, this is what I suggest to anyone having a challenging situation at home, work or in your business, go to the moms! We are the most powerful group on the planet and when we become a team to work for the betterment of our children we are unstoppable. I'm happy I don't have to rely on the traditional forms of funding and marketing my business because to be honest my Mommy Marketing is far more efficient, powerful and fulfilling not to mention it feels damn good to begin succeeding despite the old white dude, good 'ol boy system trying to keep me down. I rub elbows everyday with the most powerful people in the world who have influence in our lives for generations to come by raising the children. We are at the cusp of big changes in our society and we will see more Mommy Marketing because we all know what happens when Mom has had it! 

I may sell leotards and I may not be earning as much as Mr. blah blah blah at the bank but he doesn't hold a candle to me and other mom's and to be honest he would never be able to handle this kind of power! ;)