I'm Not OK With This...by Napili Gaston

Napili on FB

I am not ok with this. I am not ok with how things are. I understand that it makes things easier for you and everyone else if I adapt myself, quiet myself, rise above, move aside, breathe, go within…… I get these concepts. I create my own reality,right… or do I? Do I choose a world that harms and discards their women and children the moment they don’t abide by “the program or need?” Do I choose a world that overall money and greed are the passion and priority and driving force above all else? Do I choose a world that disrespects and ignores our elderly, our indigenous peoples, our poor, and anyone else that isn’t easy to look at or gain something from. Ignoring what generations of turning away, pushing away, has done to them. Do I choose a world that is dying because of our selfishness and denial? Why is not OK for me to say that I would not choose these things? Why is it not ok to say that these things make me furious? I know I live here too and yes I drive a car and use make-up and have a footprint on this Earth as well. Those realizations of my own participation on some level has left me quiet and overwhelmed for most of my life. What right do I have? What can I do? What does a 37 year old mixed mother of three hairdresser who lives in Oregon have shit to say about what we should or should not being doing…Well, I do. I have eyes, and a sad heart and an angry gut, and a very strong knowing in my soul that this is NOT how we are “supposed” to be doing things. Some doing spiritual work would then say, but that is what is bringing you suffering, the notion that things should be different. You are fighting what IS. My response to that is “Yes, I know!” That is my point! I am fighting what IS because most of IT is wrong! There is a choice point here. Decide to see what is really going on around us and feel the discomfort! The overwhelming reality of the pain and sadness, the rage and atrocities! The ship that is sinking around us as we turn away, in whatever way, because it is easier! Then, maybe then, things can be done about the REALITY of it all. …Or turn away under the guise of separation, under the guise of the “all positive, manifest, make my own reality spirituality” which turns us all inward and leaves us floating in a bubble separate “yet one” and ungrounded…. Or hide away behind our stuff, our houses, our mindless daily rituals, our numbing we do just to make it through the day. Because in the end, what could one person do anyways …right? Having a voice is not easy, it definitely is not for me. I like cozy, and simple, honestly- I love easy!… but I cant stand by anymore and just watch. I cant go back and I sure cant go forward silent. I look around and I see. My eyes are open and its pretty horrible. There is an undercurrent of selfishness, greed, denial and power/control affecting our entire world tribe, with a million distraction techniques out there to keep you from seeing it. That is for the people that aren’t directly IN it. For those people that are the discarded, the “useless”, they get the other extreme. They get to make up for all the distracted others. They get to carry the burden of reality and wear it every day, mixed in with being used here and there. My sister is one of these people. She trudges forward every day carrying the burden of our prejudices and lack of “need.” What is a passionate, smart, wise and talented Mexican –Indian woman good for anyways? How could we make money off of her…? How can she benefit us…? She is too verbal, too opinionated, too….Well, she IS an amazing cook! And If you really knew her, you would know how disgusting it is to hear that comment, over and over again. We women who are pissed at centuries of terrible treatment, being discarded, objectified and controlled are precisely the ones we should be listening to. Minorities and Indigenous who have had everything sacred stripped away yet still sing, dance and stand up again and again. These are the people to hear and learn from. THAT is the reality, that is truth! That is where the healing, the answer and the solution lies! That is our way back to our selves! So will we risk stepping outside our comfort zones, will we risk hearing the hard stuff. Can we stand in some ones rage and tears and hold witness separate from ourselves. Can we dare to open our eyes, look around, and say ….enough!! It starts right here, right now, with me. ~