This is such a big topic and not an easy one. As women who are single mothers and POC the struggle is often a minute to minute existence. Handling everything in a normal life with children on top of societal demands and labels can often be too much to handle. It feels overwhelming and very lonely. Here are some things you can do to get thru the pain so you can have the strength to keep going.
1. It's okay to be angry, sad and emotional you are juggling so much. Speak up to those around you who need you and ask for what you need. It may be some quiet time, a break from the chores (those are never ending and exhausting) or something as simple as watching a movie in peace. What ever it is for you in that moment ask for it and relax for a minute, take a breath. One of the most powerful gifts as a single mom is to have friend you can vent with, who will not take it on or try to talk you out of what you're feeling. Someone who understands and sees how much you are giving and how little comes to you in return. Being validated while in your struggle is a huge gift that brings energy to you and this is important because what you are doing and your struggle is important.
2. Listen to your gut. I understand this is becoming cliche' but it's true. This is so difficult to do because the world is so loud and so are people. It will help if you begin to separate yourself from unhealthy conversations and situations. Living the expression of your gut's voice doesn't have a plan or look a certain way. You are the only one that can know it and live and it takes courage. If you are managing life with all of the negative and disheartening messages constantly coming at you on a daily basis then you should know that you already have the courage. Now just stand up for yourself and your experience. You experiencing it is validation that it is real.
3. Define healthy and happy for yourself. Much of our suffering happens because we accept the "world's" definitions of happy and healthy. We haven't been taught to question or define these for
ourselves as an individual. We have been taught to know how to suffer so remind yourself and tell your safe people to remind your, gently, that suffering isn't necessary. The suffering we have learned drains us of our patience, courage and creativity. Imagine what you could change in your life if you had these resources. Imagine what your children would learn from you if you had the attention span and energy to apply towards patience, courage and creativity.
4. Be very strict with what you allow into your mind and where you place your attention. This includes people, situations, conversations, movies, music, social media, cell phones. Make time to have some uninterrupted quiet (at least quiet as a mom defines it) without self judgement. This will take some effort and even feel unnatural sometimes but do it anyway. This is really important when it comes to people so here are some things to think about when deciding who gets the gift of your attention. Just because someone sounds like they know what they are talking about doesn't mean they do. More time, money, social standing or friends DO NOT DEFINE YOUR CHARACTER!
Now that you have read this the information is in your awareness so please don't give yourself more work by making goals or applying expectations to yourself. When you need to be reminded trust that creator will remind you. Please share your thoughts in a comment. Be gentle with yourself.
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