If you haven't already figured out this is going to be a graphic post (men) and you aren't comfortable reading about women's bodies this way then keep reading and get over it!
I had to share with her what a profound experience I had during the procedure where she scooped out a small chunk of my cervix with a hot loop tool. Sound Awful?
This is how it goes: They take your vitals then leave the room so I can undress from the waist down then drape myself with a blanket sized paper towel and wait for them to come in. When she comes back I lay down put my feet in the stirups and scoot my bottom to the edge of the bed.
Now the doctor's face is right in my crotch.
Even as I write this I'm feeling the anxiety.
I knew it was going to be alright but it's a very vulnerable position and situation to be in. She explained everything she was doing which made it easier. The first thing was to numb my cervix with a local and she used a giant q-tip to apply it. The moment she applied it I felt it instantly all over my body. My lips began to tingle and began feeling weak and very emotional, I wanted to cry. I was taken aback by the instant absorption through my entire being. She then waited a minute to let it work and the sweet nurse placed a sticky electrode on my leg as to ground me so I wouldn't be shocked by the electrical tool she would be using. They turned the roaring machine on and with the loop instrument she quickly scooped out the portion of my cervix that had a growth.
It took my breath away.
I didn't feel it physically but I felt it emotionally. As if my personal "bubble" had nerves and it was informing me that something major was happening with the most sacred part of me. The tears began. I was so sad and overwhelmed because in that moment I experienced knowledge of my God self like never before. They left the room and left me alone to process what had just happened and in those few minutes I understood that women are the gateway to God. I understood the power we hold in our bodies and the connection to all that is, the unknown, we hold in our bodies. I felt sad that it took me more than 40 years and a physical condition and procedure to introduce me to my self. I knew in that moment that we hold the Holy Grail in our bodies.
We have the ability to hold all that is sacred and righteous and holy.
I also understood why our world and this country is working so hard to control women and our rights through our bodies. The funny thing is it's an attempt that can never succeed. Regardless of what we do or say or which law is voted in to an attempt to control women and this power it can never be controlled. I also understood that everything that is unhealthy, difficult and painful is part of the sacred and I have accepted, unconsciously, all of the bad from my lovers. Men who are blind to our innate manners of being and they so willing gave me their unrest to hold and I willingly accepted.
It changed my life to say the least and I am now on a new path of knowledge and existence as a woman. I am sacred and I know that I am no longer accepting the common protocol that I serve men and their abilities simply for existing. I serve men who know I am a queen. I serve men who treat me with reverence. I serve men who know I hold the greatest power. I am also accepting the responsibility of having this knowledge. I will hold it with respect to the Great Mother that all beings deserve life on this wondrous Earth. I hold with grace that I am human and all the ugliness that comes with it. I hold with love the vastness of our population that live in darkness about this knowledge or worse live in denial of it. So, women, take this knowledge and hold yourself in reverence the next time you feel the urges of desire towards a man who smiles just the right way and dive deep into your God place to have the ability to discipline desire so it is being used for the greater good and choosing men who revere you. Men, your invitation with this knowledge is to accept that we are not equal and intimacy with a woman isn't dominating her or "keeping a roof over her head" as a sign of love. You have a different role here as a man and that is to protect the sacredness in women and first and foremost to protect it from yourselves. Their is a huge responsibility with this knowledge so take it and pray with it, forgive yourselves for not living accordingly and move towards a life of true freedom through humility and empowerment. The more of us who hold this knowledge in the forefront of our daily lives the more permanent the change for the better of all.
BTW - I am healing well and all results were all normal. whew!
You've sure got a way with words, Teresa. And with being yourself true. My urologist, when I was 65, several times pressed a mineshaft (plastic tube) all the way to my bladder then did such things as aim a fiber optic cable here and there, finding a crystal looking like a little cantaloupe one time, and sending in tools to break up (the crystal a year later) scrape up and suction (a cancerous tumor) and cauterize. Set me on a reading spree and eventually got me adopting a physician who didn't want to take out my organs (bladder, prostate) or modify them. What do I have to say about it? One thing that helped me advocate for keeping my prostate was my idea that the AMA model likely doesn't have a very comprehensive allowance for what these organs might govern.
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